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So, friend, it’s confession time. I am not the girl who runs hard after something. As Jenn Barrett might put it, I’m the dreamer not necessarily the doer. This doesn’t mean I don’t have big, crazy, God-sized dreams though. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with them. When I sense God plant something deep in my heart, I then wait (not so) patiently for a step by step by step by step roadmap of how to move forward.
And often, when I've stayed in the boat, I’ve missed out on so much.
I’ve sat, waiting, when I knew God was saying go.
A few years ago when God planted it in my heart to start a blog, I asked him repeatedly where to begin. What do I write? What should it look like? What’s the name supposed to be? What is the mission? All good questions, of course, but they paralyzed me. FOR. MONTHS. Finally, God stirred my spirit and said “Becky, just start.”
Profound, right?
Do you know how long it took me to go from hearing that to starting? Almost a year! An entire of year of questioning God and asking all the questions of how, where, when, why, who after He already told me what to do. Start.
Listen friends, waiting is good - especially when He has directed us to wait. I am sitting in wait right this very minute which is good and holy. But there are also times - a lot of times, actually - where He is telling us to get out of that dang boat and trust Him to lead us as we go. Prior to having it all figured out.
I sat with my friend Chrissie last week over coffee sharing this God-sized crazy kind of dream I have. I told her I feel God has given me permission to go - to run after it, not fully knowing what it looks like or how to get there. There are a few steps I know to do, but then there are a lot I have no idea on. Lots of questions that could keep me from taking the step forward. This is when I typically get everyone else’s opinions except God’s.
But this time is different.
She said to me, “let the horses run."
This is uncomfortable. I’m used to waiting in the shadows, dreaming the big dreams and letting them fizzle out before they even become tangible. It’s sad and disappointing, but honestly it’s the opposite of scary, which I'm okay with. In operating this way, I certainly don’t question my motives because at the end of the day, I’m not actually doing anything.
In Jennie Allen’s new book that every single human on the planet should read, she recounts an afternoon she spent with a woman who is “a giant in the world of ministry” to ask questions of her. Jennie writes :
“With a big vision growing in my heart, I knew exactly what I wanted to ask : ‘How do you know if a vision is from God?’
She looked down and then directly and simply said, ‘At some point you look at the motives of your heart, and if they are for God, then just do it.”
Mic drop.
I’m coming to terms with this idea that the dreams planted in my heart are not my own. Of course, I dream of owning a ranch someday and growing old with my husband, but I’m talking about the dreams that seem so impossibly huge that you dare not speak them aloud.
What if those dreams are the entire reason God has given us our circumstances, our people, our communities right here and right now? And then instead of moving, we let them sit so we miss out. Let's be clear - this is no FOMO, this is missing out in a giant, huge and crazy way because we miss out on God-sized work!
So I’m telling you right now, holding myself accountable, this is my goal going forward: To run hard after Jesus and then do this Thing. Scripture tells us that if God is for us, who can be against us?!
If God is telling you to wait, by all means girl, WAIT. But when God gives you permission to go - RUN! I can't wait to see what God is going to do!